It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
