dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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