I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Will exercising make me less horny?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
