So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
