bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
