I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
