i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
