Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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