you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
