I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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