This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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