FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
