He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
from now on my penis is your penis
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
