yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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