I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
