not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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