I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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