this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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