my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Of course I have a pirate flag
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
