Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
