And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
His nipple licking is glorious
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