i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
