blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
