I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
