Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
