To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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