I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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