I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
