A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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