Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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