I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
You're like the curious george of whores
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
