I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I have post one night stand depression
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
