dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore