so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.