afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
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Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now