I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Dating After Heartbreak
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.