im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.