My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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