Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(847): View more from Illinois

my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year

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(847): my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year http://tfl.nu/4eng

Replies (4) Good night (959) Bad night (2126)
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(828): View more from North Carolina

if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.

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(828): if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now. http://tfl.nu/f98q

Replies (14) Good night (2105) Bad night (1297)
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(512): View more from Texas

Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

(405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

(512): View more from Texas

Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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(512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w

Replies (64) Good night (2742) Bad night (811)
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(951): View more from California

Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.

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(951): Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already. http://tfl.nu/bhvw

Replies (64) Good night (4959) Bad night (912)
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(641): View more from Iowa

i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am

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(641): i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am http://tfl.nu/xq9v

Replies (30) Good night (5062) Bad night (675)
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(206): View more from Washington

Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.

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(206): Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though. http://tfl.nu/6g66

Replies (27) Good night (1862) Bad night (5667)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity

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(610): Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity http://tfl.nu/heka

Replies (12) Good night (1251) Bad night (3775)
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(785): View more from Kansas

Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.

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(785): Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know. http://tfl.nu/7et1

Replies (12) Good night (2443) Bad night (933)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am

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(610): i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am http://tfl.nu/8pmq

Replies (16) Good night (850) Bad night (3071)
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(248): View more from Michigan

sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.

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(248): sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us. http://tfl.nu/2qw1

Replies (11) Good night (4886) Bad night (959)
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(804): View more from Virginia

Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry

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(804): Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry http://tfl.nu/mjn0

Replies (5) Good night (1489) Bad night (620)
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(443): View more from Maryland

Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order

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(443): Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order http://tfl.nu/s460

Replies (4) Good night (1173) Bad night (569)
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(219): View more from Indiana

I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt

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(219): I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt http://tfl.nu/sk35

Replies (4) Good night (1100) Bad night (311)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that

(910): View more from North Carolina

Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina

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(919): I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that (910): Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina http://tfl.nu/nu6s

Replies (2) Good night (625) Bad night (344)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.

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(985): Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it. http://tfl.nu/i5dn

Replies (1) Good night (261) Bad night (462)

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