My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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