some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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