Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize