yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
