I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
