I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just threw up on my dentist
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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