Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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