I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
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oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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