Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
