I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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