Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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