I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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