I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
