i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Alive.
So much puke
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
