when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
We named our party play list daddy issues
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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