What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
