hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
