Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
