did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
