thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
