i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
