i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
