I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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