the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
