i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
