all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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