dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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