I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
