i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
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I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
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I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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